Demons of the Past
by Synonymia
Summary: Details Duo's feelings after the war and his take on Hilde's unspoken concern. PG: Language.


Disclaimer: Why would I be writing fanfiction if I owned Gundam Wing??? (sigh) Well, I don't. . .  
  
A/N: Yay, I love writing these! Ahem, yeah, This is the companion story to my Bush songfic, "Letting the Cables Sleep." I suppose you DON'T need to read it to understand this fic, but it wouldn't hurt, would it? Aw well, anyway, It's Duo x Hilde, cuz I think they're just soooo cute. Well, I'll shut my yap now. . . Oh, and it's Duo's pov, just to clear that up. . .  
  
  
Dreams  
  
  
She's looking at me again.  
  
Not that I mind, I mean, it's Hilde. . . How can anyone resist her gaze? It's the way she's looking at me. It's the degree of worry in her sapphire blue eyes. It's the sadness when she looks away from me. It's her reluctance to speak freely with me anymore.  
  
I know she's beginning to suspect that I've been having problems. I know she's beginning to worry about me. Maybe I should tell her about my past, about the horrors I've endured, about the dreams that haunt me every night.  
  
She asked me again yesterday. She said that she could hear me moaning in my sleep. I want to tell her, God, I really do. Whenever I'm about to, though, I. . . I don't know, I put up my typical 'Duo Maxwell mask.' I laugh and tell a joke. I shrug it off. I don't know why. Maybe I've done that for so long that I don't remember how to truly show my emotions.  
  
We used to talk so much. We used to tell jokes and laugh and have fun. I don't know what's going on. I feel like such a shit head. Ever since the war ended, the nightmares have begun. I can't even remember when I last had a good night's sleep. Whenever I finally fall asleep, the dreams take over and I'm transported back into a childhood I'd rather not remember. I'm there, at the church, my childhood home, staring down at the bodies. . . So many bodies. . . Then I see them, Sister Helen. . . Father Maxwell. . . The two most important people I knew growing up, lying dead, their lives pointlessly taken. All for the war. . . the stupid war.  
  
I walk outside and stare at the setting sun. It's nice to be back on earth. . . the sunsets are nicer here.  
  
I should talk to her. She's right there, in the house, worried out of her mind. It isn't just the fact that I can't sleep at night. . . It's more than that. She's not stupid. She's noticed that I don't eat as much as I used to. She's noticing that I'm loosing weight. She's noticing that I'm spending more and more time alone. She's observant. She notices everything.  
  
I look at my watch. It's five after ten. How could I sit here for three hours and not even notice it? I sigh as I pick myself up and head back into the house. Hilde's already asleep. She has to work early in the morning. She needs her job. She has to pay the rent. One of us does.  
  
I throw myself onto my bed, hoping for the hundredth time that I'm able to sleep throughout the night, without interruption. I know it's much to ask, but. . . It'd be nice. I feel myself drift away into oblivion.  
  
And, like every night, I return to my child. I return to the birth of Shinigami. The bodies are there. I can't express in words how horrible it is. I feel helpless, worthless, and stupid. Why didn't I die with them? Why didn't I die INSTEAD of them?  
  
Then she appears. Her pure white wings glisten in the sunlight. She walks up to me and embraces me in a hug. It's my angel, come to comfort me and protect me. It's Hilde. . . I calm gradually as my fear melts away.   
  
  
I wake up slowly and feel the warm sunlight shining down on my face. Could it be? A night undisturbed by these horrible memories of my past? I lay in disbelief for a moment, attempting to fully awaken from my first good nights sleep in a while. Then I realize where I am, or rather, who I'm with.  
  
I look to my right, and there she is. My guardian angel, come to comfort me in my time of need. She's there, holding me. How long has she been there for me? How long haven't I noticed?  
  
I gently move and kiss her on the cheek. She won't have to worry about me any more. She won't have to wonder what's been bothering me all my life, what's been eating away at what's left of my soul. I'm going to tell her everything, for better or for worse.  
  
I hear her stirring in her sleep. She moves a little, but continues to hold me. She then says something that makes me want to cry in pure joy. She admits what I've been too chicken shit to admit.  
  
"I love you Duo Maxwell."  
  
I kiss her again. "I love you too, Hilde."  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
Awwww, let's hear it for Duo. . . uh-huh, well, it's late and my brain's a little fried. (damn senior year!) So anyway, there it is. I know I wrote the songfic a while ago. . . oh well. Hope you liked it! Opinions are highly valued! I'd like to know what'cha think!!! I guess that's it, ciao!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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